Well we have been battling the terrible two's for sometime now (3 months seems like a freaking eternity!), but this weekend it has been really bad. I think Pres was one of those kids that hit the terrible 2's when she was still 1 though.....she was an early bloomer I guess you could say! HA!
So I'm trying to figure out why this weekend has been so bad, and I've come to the conclusion that it could potentially be several things. 1. Sean left Thursday, and she woke up both Thursday and Friday mornings asking where he was and then cried when I told her he was at work. 2. I am student teaching full time, and she has been going to her new daycare. Although she loves it, I recognize that it is still a transition for her. She went from staying home with me for the last year and a half to now being separated from me for about 9 hours a day! Also, I'm sure she doesn't sleep as well there as she does at home for her naps. Anyways, I'm hoping this is just an adjustment period for her because if she starts acting like this from here on out, she will DEFINITELY NEVER have the opportunity to be a big sister.
Here is a little look into the past weekend (and its not over yet!). I picked her up at about 3:45 on Friday and we went to Barnes and Noble. I had promised her that morning that we would go when I picked her up. I try to stay OUT of the house as much as possible! She loves the Thomas the Train table there and the lego table, not to to mention all of the books. She was actually VERY good there. I talk about how wild she is at times, but when she plays with other kids I often see a completely different child. I see a sweet girl who shares, is gentle with her playmates and always says please and thank you (gotta give it to the girl for remembering to use those good manners!). Score! Barnes and Noble was a success. From there, we went to eat dinner with my mom (aka Meme in Preslie's world). She was pretty good until the end of dinner. See, Pres (like many other children I hear) has a VERY short attention span. You have about 20 seconds before she is bored and ready to move on to something else. After 30 minutes, there is just nothing else to occupy her with. This is usually about the point when she starts trying to crawl under the table. I'm not sure what I said to scold her at one point, but her response was "No, mama I not love you!" Talk about hearbreaking, right? Geez!!! I blame Nemo for that one...the part where he tells his dad that he hates him (I mean come on Pixar, why in the world would you put THAT in a kid's movie? I'm sure parents everywhere are cussing you for that one!). Anyways, after a few more meltdowns at the restaurant, she ended up throwing a glass hot sauce bottle across the table. That was the last straw. We exited the building after that one, my head down...telling myself not to look up for "the stares". Sean always says that he's sure there is a standing ovation whenever we leave a restaurant, and I'm sure Friday night was no different. Saturday morning we had a play date. Pres had already been in the corner several times prior to making the 10 am playdate. She was pretty good while we were there, but started acting out and not listening at the end. Once again, we left in typical fashion- me struggling to hold Preslie, her fighting, kicking and screaming the entire way out. She then proceeded to scream for 45 minutes. See, she is not the child who will just forget about something (nor is she one of those children that you can make eat something because she will eventually get hungry- she just won't do it...she WILL starve first). The phrase she chose to repeat for 45 minutes on Saturday was "I want to go back and clean up" (insert blood curdling scream here) REPEAT...you get the drift. After 45 minutes of this, she screamed herself to sleep. Later that day, we went to dinner at Zoe's. Once again, she pitched a fit because she didn't want to leave the fountain (too bad kid...we have to go home sometime!). The 50 steps to the car felt like I was running a marathon holding a fighting baby tiger. There were a couple more stints in time out that night for separate occurences when we got home also. Then, the drama ensued this morning at Target. I swear, I prepare myself for a meltdown everytime I go into that place with her. She was SO good up until the very end. We once again left with her kicking and screaming and fighting me. Every eye was on us...go ahead people and stare...too bad, so sorry...you wanna give her a try? Yep, didn't think so! So that has been our weekend in a nutshell (and just think, that was a condensed version of the tantrums and drama).
I think its so funny that when you are pregnant everyone warns you to get a lot of sleep and to enjoy your "me" time now because of how hard the newborn stage is. That was such a piece of cake compared to toddlerhood! What they don't warn you about is your child acting like a wild animal, screaming and kicking on the floor of Target. God forbid you dare to pick them up or try to move them because they cry, scream and kick even harder. Imagine the stares you get from that one!!! Oh, and my favorite is when they hurl something (ex: frisbee, hot sauce bottle...just to name a few from my own personal experience) with great force across the table at a restaurant. Believe me, onlookers and innocent bystanders tend to excuse a crying infant much more easily than an out of control toddler. I feel like such a horrible mother when Pres acts like this and I wonder where in the world we went wrong in the last two years. What did we do that causes her to act like this? What is really discouraging is when you see a child who looks about the same age as your own sitting perfectly in their highchair or cart, their shirts void of food stains and their hair isn't standing all over their heads. This is usually quite a contrast to Pres whose bow is ripped out of her hair and shirt stained within minutes of leaving the house. I can't help but wonder what those parents did differently. On the other hand, I must admit that I smile to myself when I see a kid misbehaving in public ...kind of like, "YES, there are other ones out there!!" It reassures me that maybe I'm not alone. Maybe those kids who are being so good right now in their high chairs are holy terrors at the mall tomorrow! I don't know if that is really how it works, but a girl can hope!
I sometimes feel guilty about complaining about Pres acting out...like right now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't post this because of all the complaining. The point of me writing this is to have an outlet, to get it all out of my head. Once its all down, I feel a little better. I recently read a mommy blog about how hard parenting is and it talked about Chronos and Kairos time. It explained that Chronos time is real time, like the slow ten minutes in the target line when your kid is pitching a fit, whereas Kairos time is God's time. Kairos time are those special little moments when time stands still, your heart feels all warm and fuzzy, and you feel that familiar lump in your throat and tears in your eyes. When Preslie hugs me tight, tight around my neck and says "I Love You Mommy" in that little voice of hers, that is a Kairos moment. When I watch her play outside in the late afternoon, seeing her giggling and running, with the beautiful setting sun falling on that angelic little face and her bouncing curls, that is a Kairos moment. When she grabs my hand and tells me that she wants to hold it, Kairos moment. Since reading that blog post about Kairos and Chronos time, I have tried to make myself more aware and appreciative of these moments. My last blog post was about how how much God has blessed us with. Yes, I am often stopped dead in my tracks and am overcome with gratitude and sheer disbelief in how much God loves us and all the things he has blessed us with. My eyes fill with tears, I stand where I am, look up and whisper "Thank You God." That doesn't mean that every moment is perfect, filled with rainbows and butterflies though. There are hard times also, moments of uncertainty, doubt, stress, and terrible two's. The point of all my rambling is that if I can take notice of and appreciate the Kairos moments, it will make those grueling Chronos moments a little easier to survive. So my new goal is to recognize that its ok to vent and complain about the hard times...I think thats only natural, but to continue to take notice of the good times, the Kairos moments. In fact, I may start writing them down at the end of each day. Thank God for those Kairos moments to get us through the terrible 2's!!!! I hope everyone has a fabulous week! Take care! Katie
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Leap of Faith
I have wanted to write about this so many times over the past year and a half. I was in Barnes and Noble last night looking at journals and devotionals and saw a quote that went a little something like this (in typical Katie fashion, I did not write it down...and those of you that REALLY know me know that I certainly didn't spend $12.99 to buy the journal!) :
"God promised to provide for our needs today. Should our needs become more tomorrow, God will provide for those also."
This was the final fuel that I needed to write this post. I really toiled with the decision of quitting my job in 2010. I had been with the company for 6 years, and although I by no means loved it, it was at least a job with decent pay and benefits. Let me rewind a little here...prior to having Preslie, I was the girl that swore that I could never be one of those stay at homes that just like sit in the house all day and do nothing (yikes!yep, I actually said that!). As a child, I envisioned myself living in a big city, wearing a suit with high heals and carrying a breifcase into a tall office building each day. I didn't really know what I would be doing, but I just knew that I would have an office job that called for the suit and high heels! Was I being selfish by having a change of heart, by wanting a career change and by wanting to stay home with my daughter? Should I just suck it up and stay at a job that I was not passionate about? The answer to those questions: "NO". No, I was not being selfish and No, I should not have settled for a job that I did not love. I believe that because God loves us, He wants us to be happy and that includes doing things that make us happy and experience joy. For me, that means spending more time with my family, staying home with my daughter and one day teaching young children.
I often think about how short life really is and how precious of a gift each and every day is. See, my father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly when I was 17. From that tragic and life changing experience, I learned (along with many other life lessons) that there is no guarantee of tomorrow. In fact, last year Sean and I took an anniversary trip to Natchez, MS. Our cottage was right across the street from a cemetary (kinda weird, right?). Anyways, one night we were driving back to the cottage, past the huge cemetary, and IT hit me. As if I were realizing it for the first time, it REALLY hit me hard that we were just going to well, die one day (I hope that doesn't sound morbid to anyone!). This was another huge wakeup call for me to quit worrying so much and just enjoy life. In the grand scheme of things, none of the crap I worry about really matters anyways.
Before making a final decision, I crunched numbers over and over, taking Sean's income which we would now have to solely rely on, and factoring in every possible bill and expense. Thinking of the possible expenses that could arise was daunting and discouraging. My biggest fear was putting my family in a bad financial situation. Could we really survive on one income, pay my college tuition, and adequately provide for our daughter? It looked as if we might have to cut so many material things out of our life- my babygap addiction, vacations, eating out all the time, Starbucks :(, but I realized that these were just that- material things that, although nice, did not determine my happiness. How blessed we are to only have to worry about giving up these luxuries when there are people that are unsure of where their next meal will come from or where they will lay their heads at night.
It has been amazing what God has done over the past year and a half. I have witnessed my baby growing into a beautiful, witty, entertaining 2 year old. I often reflect on the past year and a half and think about eveything Pres and I have done together. The thought of not having experienced any of those things nearly sends me into a panic attack. I am so thankful and blessed to have had the opportunity to spend that time with her. Those years, weeks, days and moments are gone now, never to be relived again. Thank You God for sending me down the right path and letting me experience all of this! He has provided for our family time and time again. When unexpected costs and needs have come up, there was always a way to pay for them. It has taught me to let go, worry less (I still worry, but I promise I'm working on it!) and truly trust that God will take care of our family and guide us down the right path because that is all that He has ever done!
Oh yes and P.S.- that part about stay at home moms sitting in the house all day and doing nothing....I quickly learned that was NOT true. Although this is the most rewarding job on the planet, it is also the hardest!!!!!!
Katie
"God promised to provide for our needs today. Should our needs become more tomorrow, God will provide for those also."
This was the final fuel that I needed to write this post. I really toiled with the decision of quitting my job in 2010. I had been with the company for 6 years, and although I by no means loved it, it was at least a job with decent pay and benefits. Let me rewind a little here...prior to having Preslie, I was the girl that swore that I could never be one of those stay at homes that just like sit in the house all day and do nothing (yikes!yep, I actually said that!). As a child, I envisioned myself living in a big city, wearing a suit with high heals and carrying a breifcase into a tall office building each day. I didn't really know what I would be doing, but I just knew that I would have an office job that called for the suit and high heels! Was I being selfish by having a change of heart, by wanting a career change and by wanting to stay home with my daughter? Should I just suck it up and stay at a job that I was not passionate about? The answer to those questions: "NO". No, I was not being selfish and No, I should not have settled for a job that I did not love. I believe that because God loves us, He wants us to be happy and that includes doing things that make us happy and experience joy. For me, that means spending more time with my family, staying home with my daughter and one day teaching young children.
I often think about how short life really is and how precious of a gift each and every day is. See, my father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly when I was 17. From that tragic and life changing experience, I learned (along with many other life lessons) that there is no guarantee of tomorrow. In fact, last year Sean and I took an anniversary trip to Natchez, MS. Our cottage was right across the street from a cemetary (kinda weird, right?). Anyways, one night we were driving back to the cottage, past the huge cemetary, and IT hit me. As if I were realizing it for the first time, it REALLY hit me hard that we were just going to well, die one day (I hope that doesn't sound morbid to anyone!). This was another huge wakeup call for me to quit worrying so much and just enjoy life. In the grand scheme of things, none of the crap I worry about really matters anyways.
Before making a final decision, I crunched numbers over and over, taking Sean's income which we would now have to solely rely on, and factoring in every possible bill and expense. Thinking of the possible expenses that could arise was daunting and discouraging. My biggest fear was putting my family in a bad financial situation. Could we really survive on one income, pay my college tuition, and adequately provide for our daughter? It looked as if we might have to cut so many material things out of our life- my babygap addiction, vacations, eating out all the time, Starbucks :(, but I realized that these were just that- material things that, although nice, did not determine my happiness. How blessed we are to only have to worry about giving up these luxuries when there are people that are unsure of where their next meal will come from or where they will lay their heads at night.
It has been amazing what God has done over the past year and a half. I have witnessed my baby growing into a beautiful, witty, entertaining 2 year old. I often reflect on the past year and a half and think about eveything Pres and I have done together. The thought of not having experienced any of those things nearly sends me into a panic attack. I am so thankful and blessed to have had the opportunity to spend that time with her. Those years, weeks, days and moments are gone now, never to be relived again. Thank You God for sending me down the right path and letting me experience all of this! He has provided for our family time and time again. When unexpected costs and needs have come up, there was always a way to pay for them. It has taught me to let go, worry less (I still worry, but I promise I'm working on it!) and truly trust that God will take care of our family and guide us down the right path because that is all that He has ever done!
Oh yes and P.S.- that part about stay at home moms sitting in the house all day and doing nothing....I quickly learned that was NOT true. Although this is the most rewarding job on the planet, it is also the hardest!!!!!!
Katie
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